If you can't say anything nice...

A few days ago I had another run-in with that guy at my work. Like every afternoon, I was in the mailroom sorting the mail when guess who walks in, my absolute least favorite person. This is the conversation we had: 

Him: "Oh, you're looking very nautical today."

Me: "Well...thank you!" *astonished that he's for once not berating me for having the mail sorted before it's even arrived*

Him: "How do you know that was a complement?"

*ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!*

Me: "I choose to take it as one. Why, was it meant as something else?" *Keeping the sappiest smile I can on my face, while silently daring him to keep going*

Him: "Oh no, it was intended as a complement, I was just saying..." *fade into incoherent mumbling"

*IF IT WAS MEANT AS A COMPLEMENT, THEN WHY COME BACK AND QUESTION ME ON THANKING YOU FOR IT?!*

The outfit in question. 

Of course, after he left the room, I came up with all these great comebacks all along the lines of "well most peoples' mothers taught them better manners..." etc. etc. 

It's shit like this that drives me up the wall. And no, what he said really isn't that big of a deal. I don't give a rat's ass what he thinks of my clothes. It's just the way he says things like this, it's like he is trying intentionally to get under my skin. 

Today wasn't any better. I had an extremely busy day with lots of clients bringing in work, trying to catch up on things that hadn't been finished from the day before, and to top it off, I'm on day two of training a new person. I'd been running around like a chicken with my head cut off basically. Mail time rolls around, the new girl and I sort and start delivering. He walks into the mail room just as we're trying to walk out, and then decides to comment on the situation. 

Him: "Well, this new girl really seems to have lit a fire under you." *acting like I sit around and slack all day*

Me: "I don't know what you mean, Mr. ***, I sort the mail every day as soon as it gets in."

Him: "It doesn't get sorted as soon as it comes in, because sometimes you all are on lunches and it sits back there unsorted and you all don't sort it until everyone comes back from lunch." *Pardonné-moi for being a human being who needs to eat*

*At this point, my manager who was standing nearby jumps in*

Manager: "Mr. ****, sometimes everyone is only two people. My girls all work as hard as they can."

Me: "And you have to remember, Mr. ***, we can't leave the reception desk. Someone has to answer the phones..."  *note that some days there really are only two of us working, so that means for two hours, while the first one takes lunch and the other covers the reception desk, and then we swap, there are a two good hours where phones are all we can do. We answer for so many companies, we CAN'T leave the desk and just not answer phones. We'd miss hundreds of calls.*

Him: "It still seems like she's motivating you to work a bit harder."

*With a fake smile and a "haha", I turn and walk away because I can't take any more. As I'm waiting for the elevator, I mutter an "oh god" as I see him walking towards us*

Him: "I know you all work hard."

*Sure, sure*

Me: "Yes we do, I've been running circles around the building today."

Him: "Well, you know what they say, that idle hands are the devil's tools. All this work is just keeping you out of trouble." *chuckle*

*I let out a big sigh of relief as the elevator doors open*

I'm serious y'all, if I end up in the looney bin, you'll all know why. I try my hardest to not take his crap personally, but he MAKES it personal. We don't even have the sort of work relationship where you'd think it would just be teasing, he's been like this since day one, and you can just tell he's being serious. I know he doesn't like me, which doesn't bother me because I don't like him one bit, but I treat him as nicely as possible, and always have a smile on my face. Kill him with kindness, you know? I can just read his feelings for me on his face. And so what? Why do I deserve this sort of treatment? Because I'm too busy working to come chat with you whenever you want? Because your favorite employee quit months ago and I switched offices to take her place? Guess what, I didn't drive her away. She quit by choice. 

Pray for me, y'all. With his extra attention plus several more weeks or possibly months of new hire training (depending on if we get one or two more new people), I will be lucky to make it out the other side.